Cynthia Floating Through the Sewer

That's how I'm feeling

I recently came across a meme of Cynthia, Angelica's iconic doll from Rugrats, from the episode where she goes missing. The meme not only unlocked a memory of that genius episode but it spoke so deeply to my soul and current mental state. I’ve never felt so seen by a meme.

The sickly green skin, the lost, sad eyes, and that single outstretched hand, softly crying “help me” as it clings to the last shred of hope for humanity—where does this description of Cynthia end and I begin?

Like many of you, if not all of you, I am completely overwhelmed by the state of the world. Even buying Bratz dolls isn’t helping. I honestly don’t know how to talk or write about any of it because it is all just so unbelievably, monumentally dystopian and horrifying. As a kid in the 90s, I just naively and subconsciously assumed that I would be an adult in the same world in which I grew up. I could never have imagined I’d have to spend my last hot years fighting fascism. I’m not saying this to sound like a good person (I am obviously no more good or bad than anyone else), but all I genuinely want is for everyone to be happy, safe, and to have the things they need. That’s it! I will NEVER understand anyone who actively wants to see people suffer in any way. We are living in the age of violent ego and greed and it is so revolting to me. I loathe that we are living under the power of these pathetic, monstrous, UGLY AND DUMB AS FUCK billionaires. All this human suffering from wars, genocides and environmental catastrophes to line their pockets and FOR WHAT? So they can outlive the rest of us by a few months in their fucking bunkers? So they can live on Mars? I wish they would just all go to Mars now and leave us the fuck alone.

I know I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said much more intelligently by smarter people, but this is simply where I’m at. I’m trying to hold onto and to cultivate the joy that I can without ignoring reality. I don’t remember who wrote it but I came across an Instagram story the other day that basically was a reminder to spend time with people, in person, face to face. I’m also reminded of the Sade song, “It’s only love that gets you through.” I guess the frustration I feel is that I, like all of us, have to work to make money to stay alive when all I want to do right now is just spend time with my loved ones.

I don’t know where I’m going with any of this. One of the things that I wanted to write today is just a thank you to all of you who support my work. I’ve said it before but I don’t think I can ever say it enough, it truly means the world to me. I am re-dedicating myself to this newsletter because it would be nice to eventually not have to depend on Instagram and Twitter in order for us to stay in touch. On that note, thanks to everyone who newly subscribed! I promise not every month’s letter will be this much of a downer!

I guess the surprising thing in all of this is that, despite the horrors that surround us, I am still, for now, okay. And I sincerely hope you all are too. I hope that you can all be as gentle with yourselves as possible. I hope that floating down the sewer will eventually lead us all to a better place.

If any of the work I do can offer you any kind of comfort, it is my greatest honour. I’ve released a comedy special on YouTube called The Q&A Show. And I just launched a new podcast called Intellectual Intercourse with my friend, Adam. It’s available now on all platforms!

Et pour mes amis francophones, tout les episodes de mon podcast Les Divas sont disponible partout!

I am sending you all soooooo much love and support.